I received irrefutable evidence on Thurs. that the charming country cottage I rent is making me sick. Very sick. And since I am now in the flow of Life and in harmony with What Is, I am moving - immediately - back to my condo where my health improved just before moving here. The condo is in a bustling suburb and high-tech business corridor. But since it now matters if I get well and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get that way - even leave the peace, beauty and spaciousness of the country, my huge fenced in backyard filled with vegetable and flower gardens, and the horses, butterflies, bees, frogs, dragonflies and birds I so adore. Until recently, I was so depressed and defeated I didn't care about anything - including whether or not I had an ounce of energy to do a thing, and sadly, whether I lived or died (except I didn't want to leave my dogs). I saw no reason whatsoever for my existence (again, except for my dogs) . What a happy day it is that I actually look forward to waking up in the morning and don't want to get tired and go to bed. Never thought this was possible, despite reading zillions of self-help books that promised it was.
Why the shift? My deeply wounded parts are healing through Internal Family Systems therapy, which frees my "system" to engage authentically with life. I am learning, kicking and screaming all the way, that LIFE lives us. Yes, I've been a dense, willful, stubborn Soul believing I could do it my way. The truth is, Life gets it's way, one way or another. I got a loud, unmistakable "call" to move closer in 13 months ago, but have been resisting it logically and persistently since. Life is finally getting it's way by scaring the sh#%t out of me with the fragility of my declining health. I'm listening to an enlightening CD called True Manifesting by Adyashanti, my favorite spiritual teacher. He talks about how Life really works and it's perfect for anyone ready to live a harmonious existence. In saying YES to what Life wants as he suggests - in this case moving back to the hustle and bustle of life - things are flowing easily and gracefully. There are some hoops to jump through, but so far it's been fun to watch how the process unfolds.
In the spirit of trusting my bliss (which is one of Life's more gentle ways of guiding us), the path is already appearing to fulfill the country, nature, and gardening needs that are part of my Soul. Then while journaling this morning I made a list of 32 fun things I can do after the move that are either in walking distance or a short drive away. And that's just what I know about right now. Talk about bliss!
I had been praying for grace, ease and abundance.
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