A Craving for......Chard?

Apparently, following your bliss comes wrapped in many packages.   Even stalks of fresh, organic chard. My dysfunctional history with food makes this a revelation.

(Mom, if you are reading this, please know I don't blame you for any of my trials and tribulations with food.  This is all part of my path in life and I know you were doing what you thought was good for me at the time.  I love you.  And thanks for all the goodies you still make!  Please don't stop.)

I grew up in Texas where everything was fried, cooked in bacon drippings, or slathered in butter (well, margarine to be exact).  My mom loved to bake and was good at it.  Cakes, pies, cookies, fudge, pastries, cobbler, pudding, breads and much, much more filled the house every day of the week.  Our primary vegetables were iceberg lettuce, canned green beans, fried okra, and corn on the cob. Biscuits and gravy or Captain Crunch was regular breakfast fare. Then there was the homemade ice cream.  Talk about bliss!  It is a true miracle I didn't weigh 300 lbs by the time I left home for college.  Luckily, I was incredibly active and extremely concerned with the size of my thighs.

Add to this the exact opposite influence of beauty pageant mania that filled the hearts and minds of mothers across the South.  Mine was no different.  Unfortunately, I inherited  the body shape of my mother's Irish heritage: a somewhat stocky, athletic, muscular shape with full thighs and hips.  I was never overweight, and averaged 112-115 lbs at 5'4" but always, always thought of myself as a tub of lard because the standard body types for Miss America did not include my flavor of curves and weight distribution.  Thus began the quest for the perfect diet and exercise plan that would transform me into an acceptable human being that would please my mother and the beauty pageant judges.  Mind you, I had absolutely no interest in walking across the stage in a swimsuit with a push-up bra and false eye lashes and thought the whole idea was absurd, but given the state of affairs in my household at the time, it was easier to go with this particular flow.

The polarization between baked goods and thin thighs, plus the constant state of conflict at home gave birth to using food to deal with and push through life.  It was a harmless enough coping mechanism, especially since I was able to keep off the extra weight with intense physical activity and crazy diets.  Until I went to college, that is.  That's when the weight started its roller coaster ride.  I finally started smoking, jogging and living on Diet Dr. Pepper and salads at the beginning of graduate school - and the weight fell off.  Life would later intervene and the weight went back up, then down, then up, then down in an insane but faithful obsession with the scales and the size of my thighs.

This relationship with food and my body, trying every diet and exercise program known to mankind in an attempt to lose weight and keep it off once and for all, continued until 2 weeks ago when, for the very last time, I joined and promptly quit Weight Watchers for the umpteenth time.

So I sit here, 35-40 lbs overweight, refusing to diet any more.  I'm not suicidal over it like Geneen Roth, author of Women, Food and God was when she refused to diet anymore, but I'm so very done all the same. What does this have to do with following my bliss?  It's simple: I'm going to eat what I want and what my body craves.  Nothing is off limits and all foods are legal, which means guilt-free eating. The only "rule" is that I eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full.  That's it.  Geneen Roth's approach suggest you always sit at the table to eat with absolutely no distractions - even music.  I'm not putting that limitation on myself, however, when I do eat at the table with no distractions, the food tastes better (because I'm paying attention to it), I enjoy the entire experience of eating (because I'm actually experiencing it), and I eat less (because when I give myself what I really want and actually experience it as such, I'm fulfilled). 

And, I'm craving chard, of all things.  I just had it for lunch (with a baked potato and piece of rotessiere chicken).  Sauteed with olive oil, sea salt, garlic and onions - the chard was delicious and I can't wait to have more.  I don't know about you, but this is not a craving I would have ever expected - especially given my nutritional pedigree.  But it was unmistakable - starting a week ago and getting stronger and stronger until finally, I made it to Whole Foods yesterday and couldn't wait to get to the produce department to choose between the rainbow, green or red varieties.  Then today when I was preparing it to cook, I spontaneously kissed this amazing vegetable out of pure love and gratitude for its existence.  You heard me right - I kissed it! 

So, fasten your seat belts.  If I can crave chard, anything - and I mean ANYthing is possible!!

Day One

I've always enjoyed beginnings, and here we are on the cusp of Spring, with the first post about a new Project.  I call it a 'project' because I want to find out what will happen if I follow my bliss, as Joseph Campbell put it, and because I function much better in life when I'm working on a defined project. Also known as "juice", energy or whatever word you use to describe the life force that mysteriously shows up when you are doing what you love, letting that lead my life is something I want to observe for a set period of time - for the remainder of 2011. An experiment, approached with curiosity, to simply see what happens.

Why now?  By Grace, the energy in my life is finally shifting.  An 18 year relationship and marriage ended exactly 6 years ago. 3 years later I lost my job and became sick with multiple disabling illnesses, including Lyme Disease (which I unknowingly had for over 2 years at that point).  Without going into the long litany of "growth opportunities", suffice it to say I'm finally to the point where I can contemplate starting over. 

Why a blog?  I absolutely love to write, so a blog was a logical choice for one who is following their bliss. I'm relatively new to blogging (wrote a short one about an angel of a Westie called Loving Ashley) so bear with me as I explore the medium.

I'd also really enjoy hearing from anyone who decides to conduct their own similar experiment, or is already well on their way.  I live in rural Virginia and would love the company! 

To close, here is a quote of Joseph Campbell from an interview with Bill Moyers in The Power of Myth.  It sums up the promise and potential of this experiment.

...if you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in your field of bliss, and they open doors to you. I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be.

Just reading that gives me a sense of hope, peace, trust in the future and most importantly, trust in myself, who I am and my path in life.  Oh my.